After this intense period of touring and recording, I was back in Baltimore, without much direction. At the time, I felt like the tour had failed, in that I hadn’t got my album heard, and I hadn’t really made an impression on people with my less than polished set. A lot had happened in a short period, but I didn’t know what it had all meant, and I felt like I was back at square one.
I had cultivated a rap style, but somehow my experience had rendered it obsolete. My abstract yelling style had fit me like a glove, but suddenly that was no longer my voice. That exuberant, yelling teenager wasn’t me anymore. When I dig back through my four-track tapes from this time, I see that there were hundreds of attempts to break out and find myself, but it took a lot of time and a lot of false starts.
I kept playing solo shows and I did a small tour, trying to fight through my confusion. I gained a little confidence as a performer, but I still felt directionless, and eventually I took a break from playing live. Maybe it was a time to reflect and not a time to hustle? Maybe I was just depressed? It’s hard to say. I never stopped writing though.